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S1M0NE

We are all pig.

    S1M0NE is one of the more insane early 00s creations. I feel like it has been criminally undervalued as a "good bad movie" and/or "cult classic." Art is in the eye of the beholder. So, please, dear reader... enjoy the above hour-long podcast review of S1M0NE and BEHOLD! in the tradition of my world-famous The Reader take-down: Twenty short clips, choice cuts by our main man jeff over at Myspace the Podcast and used via fair use, that really bring to life the batshit genius of 2002's Al Pacino vehicle S1M0NE...

"Sorry Mom canned you."

The birth of Simone.

"Let it burn."

"I can spot a middle aged freak a mile away."

"Do it the Taransky way."

"Nothing from space?!"

"That agoraphobia is like a plague!" "It's out of control in Europe."

"She's ALL woman."

(no comment)

"So how's your love life?"

Simone uses the car phone.

"Oh my goodness, we have a tie."

I AM PIG

Good Morning, Good Day

"Simone's Body Feared Eaten by Sharks"

"Certain viruses can be cured..."

"I strangled her. I bludgeoned her. I set her on fire. And then I killed her!"

"I'm fine with fake as long as you don't lie about it."

The birth of Chip.

"She likes chicken pot pie... just like me."
(Historic post-credits scene that inspired the Marvel Cinematic Universe)




S1m0ne
S1m0ne (2002)
 10/10
An unheralded modern classic of unintentional hilarity
10 January 2020
The logical way for this movie to have progressed would have been for the Simone Secret to be revealed, however gradually, in any number of humorous ways. As a viewer, you feel this coming. There is a path this early 00s feature is on and surely it will not deviate. And this way, the audience would have seen their surrogate (the fawning audience of the film) have to grapple with their feelings in the wake of it: the reality of reality being false. But S1M0NE is not logical. S1M0NE cares not for convention; it strives for something bigger, something better.

There are boldfaced parallels to our own, fake news encrusted modern times; none more glaring than this film's "shocking" ending. With deepfake technology on the rise, these are impossible to ignore in 2020. Or at least they should be. Thankfully the movie is just too insanely dumb to consider any of this.

One can argue what makes a bad movie so bad it is actually good. These parameters will differ from person to person, usually with great variation. For me, I appreciate the classics of this subfield: The Room, Troll 2, etc. But I offer up S1M0NE as one of the lost treasures. It hits so many bullseyes in my wheelhouse, from its clunky dialogue to its insanely dated VFX to its Pacino-led over-acting to the character of Simone's brief pivot to alt-right posturing as a failed means to end her career. It has a little bit of everything.

So I offer, dear reader, for your consideration to the pantheon of classic bad movies that are so bad they are good: S1M0NE. She likes chicken pot pie... just like US.




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